Yeah, you'd think that would be a "normal" relationship, but it's quite apparent that many, many people do not have this in theirs. There doesn't need to be outright hostility, but if there are unresolved resentments (something going on in a lot of relationships as far as I can tell) then it's going to impede true intimacy. It seems like a lot of people don’t even really like their partner, much less truly connect with and communicate with them. A lot of marriages are in a rut of some kind, and while that’s usually something both partners bear some responsibility for, not being willing to work on the relationship is one of the key reasons that women cite for wanting to divorce (and women initiate 69% of divorces). A lot of “good men” are not really showing up for their partners in a way that makes them feel close and deeply connected — and this has repercussions in the bedroom.
Then there’s this aspect as well (written by Yael Wolfe)
I will tell you one thing I’ve learned from women who have been in dead bedroom relationships. Their lack of sexual desire stemmed first from issues in the relationship that made them feel unsupported and often unloved.
The lack of desire increased every time sex became a negotiation or argument. And eventually, they were turned off to sex with their partner completely, sometimes repulsed by the idea of sex — and that seems only natural when it becomes clear that your enthusiastic consent is not particularly important to your partner.
