You make a pretty good case, and that may indeed be a part of what's going on, but the fact of the matter is, there's still ample evidence that a lot of men subconsciously do believe that women are here on earth for their pleasure and enjoyment -whether that's a conscious thought or not, the culture reinforces it constantly with media, advertising, rom-coms, etc. Every woman I know has dozens of clear examples of this that she can call to mind. That's what's going on with incels -they are upset to have been shortchanged on what the culture has told them that men are owed. So, is there plausible deniability that it's not about them with she says she has a boyfriend? Yes, but that's a part of an equation where he doesn't have to wonder why this larger dynamic isn't playing out correctly.
"A friend recently told me that her ex broke up with her because she wasn’t making him feel good about himself — and that was what women were supposed to do. Yes, he really said that and believed it to be true, even though she’s one of the nicest, kindest people I know.
Women are still routinely told to smile, sometimes even by strangers, and have their appearance commented on in such a way as to indicate that they should make themselves as pleasing as possible. “A new survey found that 98% of women reported being told to smile at work at some point in their lives, with 15% noting the occurrence happens weekly, if not more frequently.”
I saw a thread on Twitter not long ago where a woman was showing off her new multi-color hairdo. I thought it looked fabulous and she got a lot of positive comments, but some guy just had to comment that most men don’t really like that sort of thing and actually prefer natural hair — as if this woman would naturally want to adjust her self-expression and personal preferences to suit what random men, or any men, prefer. My friend with a lot of tattoos often hears the same type of thing."
The comments on this story from women were all completely in agreement that this subconscious belief still does exist and that it's a problem. After all, it's only been in the last couple of decades that women weren't overtly considered to be inferior and on earth to act as eye candy and helpmeets, so it's not a surprise that the vestiges of this still hang around.
