You seem to really care about your wife and about connecting with her and showing her love, which is awesome, but taking her need to reach orgasm with the help of a vibrator personally and as a rejection of you isn't necessary, because it's not about you. Changing hormone levels can decrease her sensitivity, as can many medications. Or maybe she just likes having complete control of the pressure and placement of the stimulation. If she's not interested in oral sex, it's probably because she has been exposed to a lot of negative sexual narratives about women, which probably also impact her ability to just completely let go with you in the same way.

As long as the rest of your time together is "interactive" how she climaxes shouldn't be an issue. It's an outdated narrative that a man somehow "Provides" sexual fulfillment for a woman. The brain is the biggest sex organ - particularly for women. It sounds like you are doing all you can to be caring and supportive partner. As far as I can tell based on how big and how mainstream the "sex toy" industry is, most women use vibrators at least some of the time and it often has nothing to do with the skill or devotion of their partners. Giving up the expectation that she "should" be able to have an orgasm without a vibrator is a reframe that is totally in your power to make. Wishing you all the best with it.