Your friend may have an unusual condition where that is in fact, the case, but it's not typical.

"they should stop trying to tear them down when they do try to change" - Give me even one example of this that is reflected in society and not just an individual woman treating you this way.

This is why I am asking more men to come together and to support other guys - because change is hard, giving up privilege can be scary, and the vulnerability and self-reflection that are needed in order to do that effectively are not native to the ways that most men are socialized. And, if a bully was beating the crap out of you, because he came from a really bad home and he was working out his pain on you, you'd first want him to stop beating on you before you entertained having a whole lot of sympathy for the reasons that he was doing what he was doing. Right?