You've made a bunch of false equivalencies here. Wanting to date someone who has confidence is not hypergamy or "dating up." It means not wanting a boy, but rather, someone who knows who they are and what they bring to the table. "Hi, I'm nice, please, please like me" is not going to cut it.
Please don't say absurd things like men are logical and women are emotional. It just sounds silly and reductionist and it's not remotely true. Nobody is good at explaining why they like who they like because attraction and sexual chemistry are not a checklist - and that's true of absolutely everyone, not just women. Men and women are not different animals who operatively entirely strangely and acting like they are is a big part of the problem in dating today.
You do need to be yourself, be polite (but not obsequious and fawning), but you also need primarily to be confident in who you are as a person and what you bring to the table. That is the A#1 thing that is attractive to women. Not Andrew Tate cocky, not some sort of Alpha dog PUA bullshit, but projecting a real stability and strength that come from inside. She wants a man, not a boy. That doesn't mean you have to have every single thing figured out about life (who does?) but you'd better have a plan to at least be pursuing figuring stuff out. Guys who are just kind of drifting along, have no interests other than video games and porn, and are just kind of wishy washy are a turn off. Don't be that kind of guy.
Not everyone you are attracted to is going to be attracted to you. Having female friends who you actual like (and aren't just wishing you could sleep with) is a great way to meet other women who might be the right fit for you. If nobody that you are attracted to is ever attracted to you, then it's time to re-evaluate what's going on on your end.
The only truly sensible thing you've said here is that most men don't understand women - but rather than talking to women and learning from them, and believing what they say about dating, most men resort to listening to these sorts of tropes passed around by other guys (who don't understand women) and then blaming women for their dating lives not going well.
Incels are overwhelmingly guys who desperately want to "achieve" in a male dominance hierarchy where they perceive that access to the women they want is a part of the perks of success. It has very little to do with actually wanting real women except as trophies, something that they share with Andrew Tate. He's said that he keeps beautiful women around him to show other men that "he's the don." So, don't blame women for that either. Women are leaving dating in droves because there's such a dearth of men out there who know how to act right, and how to behave as a partner in a relationship. That's the actual issue today - not this other “BS men tell each other kind of stuff."
If you haven't already, read this - written by a man. If you've read it, read it again, because he's one of the few men I've come across who really gets it right.
